Self Harm___ . A Poet

I dont really remember how the sunrise coming at the 14th Tuesday

But it feels like another usual days

I was waking up late, go to office with mom, drive next to her and having a casual conversation

After office, I meet some friends, talking, joking, sharing, and even laughing

There is nothing wrong with that Tuesday

I mean, what could be wrong ? Im fine, I can handle all, I think

Until the moment someone talking bad bout my past

Pretend like they know me damn well, I swear they dont

Someone I dont really know for sure, judge me, bully me, suddenly

Like the universe conspires to drown me down

Yes, I have anxiety, fear, horrifying emotions, loneliness, tears and these things all control me

They only make it worse, I starve

No where to go, emptiness in the dark room

I miss the familiar arms, need to feed my ego

The monster coming to me

Was I cursed for my pursuits ?

I cutt myself and I can see the rainbow

When the knife smoothly swipe on my skin and the blood release the pain

Tears cant handle me no more

I need something to keep me grounded

Every inch of it can explain what I cant tell to everyone

I feel realese and awake

Once I learn how to die but I still learn to live

Dont cling to things bcs everything is impermanent, there is no secure ground

Ohh,

That was my moment and eventually Im going to experience the emotions in the world

The scars reminds me to be strong, everytime I see them

Im afraid that the scars is gone

Why I have to entertain bad vibes ?

Maybe I am the woman with a lot of feelings

I will surround my self with positive things

Positive thought for the mind

Positive words for the ears

Positive action for the eyes

Positive people for the soul

There's no amount of money, no any person valuable enough for you to exchange with your peace mind

Hope it can marinate into my thick skull